Man Archetype #1: The Gentle, Loving Hippie

I'm sure you've met him before. He is the walking cliche. Lean, denim-clothed thighs provide the perfect vehicle for his long hands to rest invitingly against. A torso covered in a combination of fleece and cotton, the v-neck t-shirt opening to reveal a mandala necklace hanging just above his solar plexus.
Gentle Hippie Man (GHM) sports well-loved, lace up shoes that have probably seen more of the world than any business executive with a platinum collection of air miles. If you ask GHM, he will tell you stories. That time he was on mushrooms and almost forgot his footwear by a cold-water spring on the top of a mountain. The cool water felt so freeing flowing between the toes of his bare, callused feet. These tales extend to bartering the beloved apparel (after all, what are material posessions?) in exchange for shelter in a tent or a spot in the back of a pick up truck headed any direction.
As he tells you these stories of adventure and intrigue, you look deep into his eyes - which are of course dark and soulful - and you cannot help but think to yourself... Wait, scratch that, at this point you aren't thinking anymore. But you are incredibly turned on.
Secretly, you imagine GHM transformed. You see shaggy, greasy hair shampooed (with real shampoo, not vegan-animal free, scent free crap) and shaped to frame the contours of his clean-shaven, chiseled jaw. Creative visualization paints a picture of the couple-dom you two will enjoy. Allowing yourself the fantasy of living vicariously through his luminescent spirituality, you feel cleansed of all your environment polluting, hot-shower loving, city-girl ways.
Focus. He's trying to have a meaningful conversation with you about The Doors of Perception. Your eyes can't help but wander towards his hemp satchel. Is he concealing a miniature jambe inside its fiber confines? Will he play the rhythm of love as enthousiastically as he drums the beat of a drum-circle?
As one of his identifying traits, the GHM exhibits confusing body language. Perhaps as a result of overindulgence in psychedelic drugs, he may communicate with affectionate physical gestures. Do not confuse these with sexual advances. Now, let's not have any misunderstandings here, the GHM will most certainly be receptive to moves that you make. Be forewarned, however, that he's probably involved in some sort of "long-distance/ open relationship". This context will permit him to sleep with you sans emotional responsibility of any kind.
So, you like him because he's different from you. And he wants to be with you for exactly the same reason. As hard as he tries to deny it to himself, GHM secretly wishes his open/long distance/ whatever girlfriend would occasionally pay some attention to grooming her nether regions.

Rules of Attraction

Really, there is only one rule. You must be emotionally unavailable. This includes, but is not limited to:
- Having a girlfriend (who is not me - I'm never anyone's girlfriend)
- Playing in a band (yes, I understand that being in a band is like being married to four or five other people, but really? Really?)
- Being from a foreign country (Does that actually excuse your strange, douchebag-like behaviour?)
- Being my T.A./ Supervisor / Anyone in a position of authority (well, are you sure we shouldn't go public with our love trysts?)
- That bartender guy (Yes, I absolutely believe that this is the first time you've ever tried to chat up a cute customer)

These are the stereotypes of emotional unavailability that I have encountered to date. This may be a work in progress.